Butterflies

As I search for a new way of living and working in order to find that elusive balance, I'm a bundle of nerves!

Whoever said that there are family-friendly jobs has obviously not been looking where I have as I can't find any at all! I work in PR and it's a 24/7 industry which doesn't offer flexible arrangements. I'm qualified to get jobs but the only ones on offer would see me dropping Monkey off at nursery at 8am and picking him up at 6pm every single day.

I don't want to compromise on my aims - to find a job I like and to find a job which means I won't only see my son at the weekends. But it's tempting. There are many a full-time job available - calling to me with their generous salaries and career progression opportunities. But for all the money on offer I know I would be miserable seeing Monkey only two hours each day. I've actually really enjoyed staying at home with Monkey so going back full time would be a painful option. 

So what else is there?

I've started to look at the skills I have, the things I enjoy doing and trying to work out if there is any way of making money for them.

I think I have come up with something, a way of turning a hobby into a bit of pocket money. It's not going to pay for a holiday or a new car but it might just let me pay for a couple of days at nursery each week for Monkey and leave me with a little for a family dinner out every now and then. But this plan would require masses of hard work. It would be tough and would mean putting faith in my own abilities. It would mean a small initial outlay in cost - which only I could then make back by being a success.

Just writing this has the butterflies fluttering and makes me want to just give up and get a full time job but you have to try these things don't you? At some point you just have to try. I'll give myself a time limit and see what I can do. If it doesn't work out and I then have to get a full time job - at least I will know that I tried.

Accepting Help

Living so far away from our parents (3hour drive each way) we have learnt to be pretty self-sufficient when it comes to looking after Monkey.

We rarely go out together and on the odd wedding anniversary when we have gone out a friend has watched Monkey and we have gone to the restaurant down the road.

'The Plaster' Explained

A couple of weeks ago I wrote the blog post ‘I Ripped OffThe Plaster’ and today I want to explain what all that was about.  

In what some might deem to be a moment of ridiculous abandonment I quit my job. After months of unhappiness I just bit the bullet and decided that instead of just moaning that I wanted to get a better work life balance I was actually going to do something about it.  

So, I announced my intentions to leave my very well paid senior job and set up on my own as a freelancer who doesn’t work Fridays. Eek, I must be mad! 

I’m incredibly nervous about doing this, placing my family’s financial future in my own skills and expertise (which I’m not sure exist!) but I have to do what is best for me and my family. I truly believe what is best is for me to be happier and for me to be happier I need to be home a little bit more and I need to have more control over my life and the things I do in it.  

Whilst we’re at it we’ve also decided to leave London and we are actually going to buy our own home! I’m ridiculously excited about this and have thrown myself head-first into mass organisation and house searching in Bedfordshire.  

The only downside will be leaving London. When I had Monkey I was one of the lucky ones and I found the best NCT group ever. For the first time in my life I have made and kept really great friends. Thinking about leaving them makes me not want to go but as our wine nights are now few and far between I thinking I can afford the train fare back. 

So, that’s it. I suppose blogging about it is another plaster off really. Anyone I hadn’t yet told can now read about it and now that you all know I suppose I can’t really back out now…

Mummy Guilt Is Expensive!

Look at that cutie. With his new toys – one in each hand, and three more out of sight, his new cardie and his new slippers. It’s not been his birthday or some other celebratory event. No, this photo is a visual description of Mummy guilt.  

I’m at the end of four days off with Monkey. Having constantly beat myself up for being apart from him so often I sincerely want to treasure these moments and make them fun for him.  

And that’s been costing me because everywhere we have gone I have brought him something as a memento of the fun we have had together.  

What am I doing? He is hardly going to remember the trips we have been on, particularly since they included Homebase and Asda!. He is equally never going to remember enough to relate these toys to the trip and the fun that we had together. So, why do I do it? 

It’s not that I see spending money as a sign of love but it is one way I can make the working absence work for the both of us. Yes, I’m off five days a week but that gives me the money to be able to treat him. It’s not really much but it’s something which we will go home with and he will play for and enjoy for weeks to come.  

He might not get the reasons behind it but I do.