Butterflies

As I search for a new way of living and working in order to find that elusive balance, I'm a bundle of nerves!

Whoever said that there are family-friendly jobs has obviously not been looking where I have as I can't find any at all! I work in PR and it's a 24/7 industry which doesn't offer flexible arrangements. I'm qualified to get jobs but the only ones on offer would see me dropping Monkey off at nursery at 8am and picking him up at 6pm every single day.

I don't want to compromise on my aims - to find a job I like and to find a job which means I won't only see my son at the weekends. But it's tempting. There are many a full-time job available - calling to me with their generous salaries and career progression opportunities. But for all the money on offer I know I would be miserable seeing Monkey only two hours each day. I've actually really enjoyed staying at home with Monkey so going back full time would be a painful option. 

So what else is there?

I've started to look at the skills I have, the things I enjoy doing and trying to work out if there is any way of making money for them.

I think I have come up with something, a way of turning a hobby into a bit of pocket money. It's not going to pay for a holiday or a new car but it might just let me pay for a couple of days at nursery each week for Monkey and leave me with a little for a family dinner out every now and then. But this plan would require masses of hard work. It would be tough and would mean putting faith in my own abilities. It would mean a small initial outlay in cost - which only I could then make back by being a success.

Just writing this has the butterflies fluttering and makes me want to just give up and get a full time job but you have to try these things don't you? At some point you just have to try. I'll give myself a time limit and see what I can do. If it doesn't work out and I then have to get a full time job - at least I will know that I tried.

A Fresh Start

Everything is new in my life and so it seems fitting to have a new start on the blog which I have sort of neglected slightly in the past few weeks.

The truth is that I willingly went dark as we neared completion on our very first house purchase. I was so nervous about tweeting or blogging anything in case it all went wrong. So I just shut up and so there is so much to catch up on!

We have it - we have our very first own home.

It's been a fun, exhausting first week here. We got the keys a couple of days before we actually moved in and we literally painted through the night to try and get the rooms done in the way we wanted. As I have previously said, I had seven years of pent-up DIY built up so I have been desperate to put my stamp on the house. We had six rooms we wanted to decorate and we managed to do three - the lounge (which was the mammoth job), Monkey's room and the bathroom - which I think might be my favourite room in the house now that I have added a nautical touch.

We're working on the rest of the rooms in the evenings - the stairs were done last night, it's the kitchen tonight and then we'll do our room - currently a room of boxes as we haven't bothered to get the wardrobe yet. Then there is still the playroom and the guest room to do but I'm afraid they are going to have to wait!

The credit card has taken quite a battering but there is nothing that I have brought which has been a waste or doesn't look brilliant in the house.

It's also been all change on the work side. I have left my full-time job and am now in search of something a little more family friendly. I'm trying not to let the fear get me as part-time jobs in PR are so few and far between I do worry how long I will be unemployed for but I have done the jobs which give me no balance, I need to find the right fit this time.

Monkey is out of nursery and I am suprisingly loving being a stay at home mum. I always thought it was never for me but actually I have quite enjoyed it. I don't think I could do it all the time but I have enjoyed the trips to the park, farms, playgroups and playgrounds and it re-enforces my wish to be around a little bit more.

There's loads more to say about the move and our new life away from London but this will do for now.

x

What next?

Hello!

I'm still here. Apologies for the lack of blogging but I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last week and for me that comes with sitting at staring at the wall (or the telly).

I'm approaching a crossroads in my life. We know we are moving and although we STILL haven't exchanged on the house it looks like we are on to move in a couple of weeks time. Yeah! So, we know where we are going to be living - that bit is sorted.

What is not sorted is me. What do I do now? I work in PR but as I've blogged about before I am not sure it is my dream job. I trained as a broadcast journalist - that was the childhood dream and I lived it out for almost two years working as a radio newsreader. It was a short love affair with broadcasting which ended in redundancy and then an enforced switch to a better paying job which actually had some job vacancies.

It's meant that PR never really felt like my choice, more something born out of necessity and availability.

Now, I want to find out what I want to do but in today's society with money tighter than ever we are not really afforded a lot of time to try to work out what it is that we want to do.

Oh, to be able to work for free trying out a few roles, to re-train by undertaking some expensive new qualification or to start up on my own and know that's it is OK if there is a slow start.

It's a constant thought in my head - what next for me? I'm still not sure.

Stress!!!

I know that everyone under the sun told me that buying a house was one of the most stressful things you can do - and I let that piece of wisdom go in one ear and out the other.

Lesson learnt now though and I have had one of the most stressful weeks of my life...and nothing has been resolved so it all rolls over into next week.

In a little blogging therapy, allow me to detail all the weights on my shoulders at present:

Does The Dream Job Exist?

Is it a myth of TV shows and Hollywood movies that you can find a job which makes you jump out of bed in the morning and thoroughly enjoy the 9-5?

I’ve had four jobs in my professional working life and, if I'm honest, I have not yet found one that I really love.

'The Plaster' Explained

A couple of weeks ago I wrote the blog post ‘I Ripped OffThe Plaster’ and today I want to explain what all that was about.  

In what some might deem to be a moment of ridiculous abandonment I quit my job. After months of unhappiness I just bit the bullet and decided that instead of just moaning that I wanted to get a better work life balance I was actually going to do something about it.  

So, I announced my intentions to leave my very well paid senior job and set up on my own as a freelancer who doesn’t work Fridays. Eek, I must be mad! 

I’m incredibly nervous about doing this, placing my family’s financial future in my own skills and expertise (which I’m not sure exist!) but I have to do what is best for me and my family. I truly believe what is best is for me to be happier and for me to be happier I need to be home a little bit more and I need to have more control over my life and the things I do in it.  

Whilst we’re at it we’ve also decided to leave London and we are actually going to buy our own home! I’m ridiculously excited about this and have thrown myself head-first into mass organisation and house searching in Bedfordshire.  

The only downside will be leaving London. When I had Monkey I was one of the lucky ones and I found the best NCT group ever. For the first time in my life I have made and kept really great friends. Thinking about leaving them makes me not want to go but as our wine nights are now few and far between I thinking I can afford the train fare back. 

So, that’s it. I suppose blogging about it is another plaster off really. Anyone I hadn’t yet told can now read about it and now that you all know I suppose I can’t really back out now…

A Perfect Day

Nothing special happened today – I’m still to win the lottery and be whisked away to a desert island – but today was the perfect day.  

After a week of stress and a weekend of illness today everything was just easy.  

• Getting Monkey dressed for nursery – EASY, no tantrums and no complaints
• Dropping Monkey off at nursery – EASY, got his coat off and he ran straight in with no fuss
• Driving to the station – EASY, some traffic but not enough to slow me down and I found a parking space straight away
• Heading home this evening – EASY, arrived at nursery 20 minutes earlier than usual to be told that Monkey had a great day
• Put-down tonight – EASY, no crying, no insisting Mummy held his hand as he fell asleep.

It was all just easy.  

It’s so surprising especially for a Monday that I felt I needed to share.

So, let’s celebrate what went well today – let me know what was easy for you today…

The Cautionary Tale of a Disorganised Mother

Here follows a true story about how one woman (let’s call her me) has spent an entire week attempting to complete the sale of some items she put on an online auction site (let’s call it eBay). Unfortunately the tale below has not been exaggerated in anyway and is true – as ludicrous as it may seem.  

ABOUT 2 WEEKS AGO – You’ll be hassled by your hubby all weekend to finally put on sale some items that have been sat in a box marked ‘Put on eBay’ for a good couple of months. You’ll not be arsed and won’t really concentrate, preferring instead to hurriedly complete the task and get back to much more fun stuff such as working on your blog. The items are up; that’s all that matters.

Lesson 1 – don’t put items on eBay when you’re not concentrating, can’t be bothered and haven’t actually looked at the items. You’re not a good judge of weight and size.  

ABOUT A WEEK AFTER THAT – You’ll sell some of the items – hooray! Counting up your spoils you’ve made £50. All seems good so far.  

MONDAY – You’ll forget to take every item to work with you and thus can do no sending today. You vow to do it tomorrow. You’ll forget that you own no envelopes or packing materials and have no way to send all seven items.  

TUESDAY – You’ll realise that seven items is quite a lot to take on the train and so you’ll conclude that you’ll just take three. At lunch, you’ll leave your office offering to take the important business letters that also need to be stamped and posted. You’ll walk all the way to the Post Office before realising that your hands are empty and you have in fact walked all the way without your parcels. You’ll walk away from the Post Office forgetting all about the important letters in your bag. You’ll go and buy five envelopes (clearly not enough for the seven items but that’s the sort of week you’re having). Later that afternoon you’ll remember that you have the important letters in your bag and have to make a mad dash to the Post Office (this is visit number two of the week, it’s important to keep count).

WEDNESDAY – Very much more organised today, two minutes before leaving for work you hurriedly attempt to put all the items in envelopes. Half the envelopes are too small. You take five items to work (leaving the heaviest at home) with most in envelopes and one that you’ll buy a bigger envelope for. At lunch you go to the Post Office (visit number three), successfully post the four stuffed parcels and buy a bigger envelope for the other item you have with you. But you’ve forgotten to bring the address label and/or a pen for the parcel and so need to take it back with you. You buy parcel paper for the remainder of the parcels.

THURSDAY – Mad panic before work to parcel up the remaining items. You only manage to do one of the really heavy ones. You take that to the Post Office at lunchtime (visit four) but as you put the stamps on you realise you haven’t written the address on, you have no pen, or your phone which has the address on. It’ll have to come back with you, but at least it has postage on!

FRIDAY – Mad panic before work to parcel up remaining item and then lug both to the Post Office (visit five) and finally conclude your sell.  

Hey, it’s been a tough week but they all got posted in the end so it’s not so bad.  

Err, no. Remember when I said that you shouldn’t put items on eBay when you’re tired and distracted. It’s because you will have no clue about postage prices. I did sell all my items for a total of £50 but I ended up spending £41 to post them! 

I made a profit of £9. And I just spent that on wine.  

Heed my warning…cheers!

I Ripped Off The Plaster!

As I know is the same for so many mums, especially working mums, there is the constant search for balance. For me, it is the struggle for time – time to work and matching that with the time that I get to spend with Monkey.

I currently work five days a week and have found that in PR, the sector I work in, I really can only do five days a week if I want to work at the senior level which I currently do.  

I enjoy working and can’t ever see myself as a stay at home mum. I view stay at home mums with great admiration. They are the ones with endless patience and an abundance of creativity - that’s just not me! I like to escape from being mummy some times but perhaps not quite as often as five days a week.  

I’ve been pondering this dilemma for a while – how to match my career ambitions with my ambitions as a mother. I’ve thought long and hard – made plans, changed plans, scrapped plans and came up with whole new plans.  

Today, I ripped off the plaster and set those plans into action. It’s fresh and new so I can’t share too much but I just wanted to share this momentous moment.  

It’s scary ripping off the plaster. You’re not sure how painful it’s going to be but it’s just a plaster, the pain is momentary and underneath you find fresh skin, a healed wound.  

I’m so excited to share the next few months with you all but for now just know that I did it.