Butterflies

As I search for a new way of living and working in order to find that elusive balance, I'm a bundle of nerves!

Whoever said that there are family-friendly jobs has obviously not been looking where I have as I can't find any at all! I work in PR and it's a 24/7 industry which doesn't offer flexible arrangements. I'm qualified to get jobs but the only ones on offer would see me dropping Monkey off at nursery at 8am and picking him up at 6pm every single day.

I don't want to compromise on my aims - to find a job I like and to find a job which means I won't only see my son at the weekends. But it's tempting. There are many a full-time job available - calling to me with their generous salaries and career progression opportunities. But for all the money on offer I know I would be miserable seeing Monkey only two hours each day. I've actually really enjoyed staying at home with Monkey so going back full time would be a painful option. 

So what else is there?

I've started to look at the skills I have, the things I enjoy doing and trying to work out if there is any way of making money for them.

I think I have come up with something, a way of turning a hobby into a bit of pocket money. It's not going to pay for a holiday or a new car but it might just let me pay for a couple of days at nursery each week for Monkey and leave me with a little for a family dinner out every now and then. But this plan would require masses of hard work. It would be tough and would mean putting faith in my own abilities. It would mean a small initial outlay in cost - which only I could then make back by being a success.

Just writing this has the butterflies fluttering and makes me want to just give up and get a full time job but you have to try these things don't you? At some point you just have to try. I'll give myself a time limit and see what I can do. If it doesn't work out and I then have to get a full time job - at least I will know that I tried.

Our Growing Family

Err, not like that!

This weekend we spent a lovely time with my husband's side of the family. It's been three weeks since my sister-in-law gave birth to her second child, my neice, and I was desperate for cuddles! 

As the sun shone and Monkey and his cousin played in the garden I was struck by how much has changed in such a short space of time. In just three years there are now three children - Monkey born 2011, my nephew born in 2012 and my niece born last month.

Having moved house a couple of weeks ago we are now just two hours away from their home in Staffordshire. It's still not a short distance but it is a massive cutback on the three and a half hours we have done for the past five years. It's the length of a nap and so I hope to travel up to the Midlands more often so that Monkey can grow up with his cousins as much as possible.

When I was little we lived near all my family and I have such a lot of family photos from when I was Monkey's age and my cousins feature in all of them.

While we attempt to make some new friends in our new hometown, it was lovely to spend a weekend with family and remember that we aren't alone.

Plus my niece is one of the most adorable babies ever and is the first thing in two and a half years to make me even consider being broody again!

Our growing family

Trying to Remember

Monkey is changing so much and although we enjoy every moment we have with him - it's hard to remember it all.

My husband and I were talking the other night and we realised there is so much of the little stuff which we can't remember - like how he used to say certain words before he got them properly.

So I'm going to list a few of things he is doing at the moment which particularly make me smile.

- When he sings Incy Wincey Spider he actually sings 'Wincey in the Spider'.

A Very Public Meltdown

It's happened. We have had our very first extreme tantrum in public. And I survived...just!

On Sunday we decided to go to a garden centre about 30 minutes drive away as it sold a particular brand of paint (I am DIY-Obsessed at the moment).

The 5.15am wake-up call from Monkey had meant I wasn't in the best of moods when we set off and I had a feeling we shouldn't all be going.

Trying Something New

I've mentioned before that I am not one of those parents who does crafts, who lets their child join in with daily chores or who comes up with endless amounts of imaginative play. In fact, if I had to categorise myself I'd probably say I'm a distracted and slightly lazy parent.

Today, though I tried something different and I said 'yes' more often.

Instead of one of us grown-ups going to Homebase during the lunchtime nap to avoid taking Monkey with us we went this morning as a three. Yes, it took an hour and a half and involved a pretend bath in one of the show bathrooms but that was quite fun.

An Easy Easter

Is there anything better than milkshake?

Well, that was great wasn't it? We've just had the loveliest Easter break together and for once I have returned refreshed and rejuvenated.

Living so far away from our families means that Monkey doesn't get to see his grandparents (on both sides) very often and so he more than makes it up for it when he does. From Friday to Sunday during our time at the inlaws Mummy and Daddy were invisible. Cuddles and kisses were reserved for Nanny and Grandad (mostly just Nanny) and squeals of joy let out only at the arrival of his 1 year old cousin each day.

For me, this was a massive change. It's normally all Mummy, Mummy, Mummy with me not being allowed to even go to the toilet without listening to the ongoing meltdown over my momentary departure.

I didn't feel left out though and instead I just revelled in his joy at being with his extended family and enjoyed the sit-down when I got it.

It also made a massive change on Monday when it was just me and Monkey with a whole bank holiday stretched in front of us. I didn't stress, I didn't shout, in fact I barely sat down such was the reserve of energy I had.

And today I went back to work, grateful for the break I had had. But also the return to work today marked the start of The Countdown. We're on course to move house in May and moving house means that whole life change we have all been after. New house, new job and a new and fresh perspective.

I can't bloomin' wait!

Monkey's Mummy loves...

It's time again for my weekly post where I share some of the products I have loved this week. This sort of post really sums up for me what I love about blogging. It’s an opportunity to share and learn from one another. We can’t each know about all the latest products or places to go but together, well we can be unstoppable!

These are all just things that I like and I haven't been paid to write any of this stuff.

I’m posting this as a linky from Modern Mummy so hop over there to see all the other recommendations.

Ocado

I am not rich. I don't consider myself to be upper-class. But I did think that Ocado with its fancy vans and affiliation to Waitrose was for the rich and fancy but I've been pleasantly surprised.

I switched to using Ocado a few weeks ago after getting one of those vouchers where you get £20 off if you spend £70 (which I easily do each week). I've been so pleasantly surprised by their wealth of choice and reasonable prices.

The delivery charges in my part of London are much lower than that of Sainsbury's and Tesco, especially considering I always order for peak-time delivery. Plus Ocado always have lots of bundle meal deals on which actually save a fortune.

In the four weeks I have been using Ocado I have had to order much less and have seen it all go much further, saving me money.

I wanted to include this one in case anyone had the same misconceptions about Ocado as I did.

 

Pampers Easy-Up Nappies

 

We have reached the point where nappy changing was something to be dreaded. A battle of wills which neither of us enjoyed and which meant that one (or both of us) usually ended up in tears.

The main sticking point was that Monkey did not want to lie down. So, the Pampers Easy-up nappies that we have just switched to are really helping us.

If Monkey just has a wet nappy I don't need him to lie down at all as you tear them off when they are finished with. If it's a dirty nappy he only needs to stay put for the shortest of time.

I'm hoping that this switch is also a good introduction to potty training which we intend to start in the summer. He understands that he needs to stand up to have his big boy nappies pulled up and I'm hoping this will mean that the switch to pants is not quite so drastic.

 

 

Is It Wrong To Stick With One?

When I had Monkey the plan was always that we would wait until he was school-age before we had another child. I have poly-cystic ovaries and so had Monkey young, when I was 26, so that if the condition were to get worse in the next few years I could always look back knowing I had been pregnant and we had at least one child. 

My condition doesn’t seem to be getting a lot worse so I’m as confident as I can be that I’ll be able to have another child. Problem is…I’m not sure I want to.  

I’ve watched the majority of my friends have second children but the broodiness just hasn’t kicked in. Newborns are adorable but I still feel like I’ve been there, done that, not really sure I need to do it again. Plus, it wasn’t easy – why would I want to go through morning sickness, birth, sleepness nights (to name a few) again? 

However, I wonder whether that is just a really selfish attitude? If I am able to do so do I have an obligation to give my son a sibling? Is it wrong to raise him as an only-child if I don’t have to?  

He goes to nursery so has a lot of interaction with other children but will it benefit him to have someone at home, someone with him wherever we go? Will his development be hindered by not having a sibling – will he be a spoilt brat? 

I’m leaving this post pretty open-ended. There is no conclusion, no decision has been made. We’ll see what happens. Perhaps it’ll be like a new season, one morning I’ll just wake up and be broody? I’ll let you know.

Seek Medical Advice

I’m always very cautious to take Monkey to the doctor or worse still to the hospital. With the fear of looking like a panicky mother and the warnings ringing in my ears of our over-crowded NHS, I always wait… and wait… and wait some more.  

Sometimes that’s been the right thing to do and whatever has been afflicting Monkey has cured itself with Calpol and cuddles.  

Sometimes though I’ve got it wrong. He had a tummy bug when he was about one and after a few days I took him to the doctor only to be told he was dehydrated and I should have been doing more.  

This morning, as I went into his room he was stood in his cot holding his ankle up saying that it hurt. I got him out of the cot and he immediately guarded the ankle, refusing to put weight on it and wanting to be held. It looked swollen and bruised.

 

Entertainment in the waiting room

So, I reluctantly decided that I’d take the halfway route and take him to the walk-in centre. I got it wrong again, it’s just a sprain and Calpol and cuddles will do. But I was reassured to have a pro tell me that and not rely on my knowledge from Casualty and Dr. Google.  

Should I be taking more advantage of the NHS? I pay my national insurance after all. Or should I not feel guilty about holding back from going to medical professionals and instead just trust myself? 

I think it’s the latter for me.

Made to be a Mum

I watched the show ’16 Kids and Counting’ last night with great interest last night. Personally I think to have kids into double figures either means you hate contraception or really love kids.

What struck me about the women involved is their utter devotion to their children. They’ll be out until all hours of the night picking them up from nights out, they’ll never sit down in the evenings because they are busy getting snacks, doing ironing, putting kids to bed. One even said that she doesn’t like her kids to watch TV – she has 12 children and doesn’t use CBeebies as a babysitter!

It struck me that this programme really demonstrated that some people are just made to be mothers. For me, I have always thought that I am not a natural mother. Yes, I wanted my son very much and fought hard to get him but I don’t find motherhood easy and I definitely don’t want to devote my every waking hour to Monkey. Although sometimes the work life balance is hard I enjoy being able to get away and to be someone apart from Mum. I enjoy my evenings when he has gone to bed and I can have a glass bottle of wine.

For some women though it just comes easy – they don’t flap over missed naps, long bedtime routines and arduous days of no telly. They enjoy their children 24/7 despite bad tempers and tantrums.

I’m happy to admit that I don’t find being a Mum easy at times but I know I work hard at it and that as far as my son is concerned I’m doing a great job!  Needless to say the idea of 11 more is not for me!

Fun in the funniest places

This weekend we attempted to begin our quest to get our new house sorted. We know we need at least a dishwasher and a washing machine and so this seemed like the things to start with and while on our white good quest we discovered that a world of fun can be had in the funniest of places.

We went to Currys which, if it is struggling in the current economic climate, really should advertise itself as some sort of childrens play area. There were washing machines galore with never-ending buttons for Monkey to press and no Mummy telling him to stop it before he accidently runs a cycle. Wide aisles to run down and run through. Low shelving to crawl through before posing for pictures (with some pretty nice lighting as well for the amatuer photographer!). Hundreds of tellys showing Toy Story adverts all at the same time to surround Monkey in a Woody HD sandwich! We left after one hour with Mummy sorted on her applicances and a panting Monkey and Daddy from all the running around.

I really hate soft play centres so these sort of places are great for me to take Monkey. Some other places we head to are:

The Garden Centre
Especially lovely in the summer when we can stroll around all the plants, chatting about the colours and the smells.

The Library
A free morning of reading plus with 'presents' to take home afterwards.

The Supermarket
Whilst I won't do my full shop with Monkey in tow - a quick ten minutes here and there is actually seen as a bit of a treat for a ride in the trolley and visit to the cheese counter to find the free samples.

The Science Museum
The basement is specifically decked out for kids and we found it was suitable for Monkey from when he was about one, thanks to all the sensory lighting. The older he gets the more he gets out of it.

Anyone got any others I can add to my list, so that you can save me from ever entering a soft play again?

The Bedtime War

Sleeping!

I blogged the other night about how we are entering Tantrum Town and the main focus of the hysterical meltdowns seems to be about bedtime.

In a bid to assert his authority Monkey has become very un-keen on bedtime in the last few weeks. He wants to go downstairs, he wants to read books – basically he wants to do anything bar going to sleep.

He’s a clever one and has a wealth of tactics to stay up – but I’m a Mummy and I too have a wealth of tactics. The war is on.

Here’s my plan…

1, Go upstairs earlier

This is really difficult on nursery days as Monkey doesn’t get home until about 6.20pm but he really needs to be upstairs by 6.30pm. It’ll be better when we have moved as he’ll be home earlier.

2, Stay upstairs

We used to put PJs on and then come back down for milk and Night Garden. Then it became milk and more playing with toys and now it is milk and running and jumping around like a loon. I can see where I am going wrong with this one.

3, Read however many stories he wants before getting him into his cot at 7.15pm

Yes, this will mean reading ‘Thomas and the Windy Day’ 6 times every night but I’m just going to have to do it.

4, Distraction

I’ve tried this the last few nights and it’s working. Once I have read what I deem to be the last story of the night I tuck him in and I give him a teddy. I ask him to tell Teddy a story while I just pop downstairs and I tell him that I’ll be back in one minute. There is no complaint. Then I leave and just don’t come back.

The bad thing about this tactic is that I have a very clever child and I know it is only going to be a couple of weeks before he figures this one out but I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.

It’s one on one in this war – and I’m determined that I’m going to win!

All Change

On Saturday we began house-hunting for the very first time as potential buyers. What a difference from looking as renters! The estate agents seemingly couldn’t do enough to help us and there wasn’t a queue of other people outside – we had their attention!

I’d done my research of the area, the schools and the toddler groups for Monkey but I was realistic that our search had only just begun. We were due to view six houses that day and from the photos number 4 was the most interesting. 

The houses were saw in the morning were nice but I thought it would be like wedding dress shopping – I’d just know when I had found the one. And then we went into house number 4. 

Prior to beginning our house search I had briefed my hubby on the importance of the poker face when house hunting. When we left house number 4 his first words to me were ‘you weren’t exactly subtle.’

Yes, like a teenage with a massive crush I fell head over heels in love with this house – mainly because it has massive cupboards in the kitchen. You know, the important stuff! I gushed, I swooned and I made it bloomin’ obvious that this needed to be my new house. 

Two hours after a 45 minute viewing of the house (it was obvious we were keen) we were rang by the agent to be told that someone else had put in an offer. Well, what’s a girl (and two boys) to do – on the very first day of house-hunting we put in an offer…which was accepted 10 minutes later!

We are so excited to have our first ever real home but obviously cautious until everything has been confirmed. 

It’s all change in the Monkey’s Mummy household and we couldn’t be more thrilled!

Welcome to Tantrum Town

Next stop, the complete loss of your sanity! 

Wow, what an evening. Tonight as we made our way through the usual bedtime battles, a monster came and inhabited my son for 30 long and very loud minutes. This monster changed my sweet, talkative 2 year old into a thrashing, red-faced, screaming shadow of himself. It was scary, exhausting and I had no bloody idea what to do.

I’d read about the terrible 2’s and I'd read blogs from Mums recounting the time when the tantrums kicked in. I used to think to myself ‘yeah, my kid cries sometimes too – tough isn’t it?’. Oh, what a novice I am. 

I know now that what I have experienced before was merely a whimper, the prologue to some sort of 'war and peace'-sized novel.  

So tonight I’m going to research the terrible twos and try to work out how on earth I am supposed to deal with these testing times.  

And I’m going to hope really hard that this is as bad as it will get!

Simpler times - Monkey aged 2 months

'The Plaster' Explained

A couple of weeks ago I wrote the blog post ‘I Ripped OffThe Plaster’ and today I want to explain what all that was about.  

In what some might deem to be a moment of ridiculous abandonment I quit my job. After months of unhappiness I just bit the bullet and decided that instead of just moaning that I wanted to get a better work life balance I was actually going to do something about it.  

So, I announced my intentions to leave my very well paid senior job and set up on my own as a freelancer who doesn’t work Fridays. Eek, I must be mad! 

I’m incredibly nervous about doing this, placing my family’s financial future in my own skills and expertise (which I’m not sure exist!) but I have to do what is best for me and my family. I truly believe what is best is for me to be happier and for me to be happier I need to be home a little bit more and I need to have more control over my life and the things I do in it.  

Whilst we’re at it we’ve also decided to leave London and we are actually going to buy our own home! I’m ridiculously excited about this and have thrown myself head-first into mass organisation and house searching in Bedfordshire.  

The only downside will be leaving London. When I had Monkey I was one of the lucky ones and I found the best NCT group ever. For the first time in my life I have made and kept really great friends. Thinking about leaving them makes me not want to go but as our wine nights are now few and far between I thinking I can afford the train fare back. 

So, that’s it. I suppose blogging about it is another plaster off really. Anyone I hadn’t yet told can now read about it and now that you all know I suppose I can’t really back out now…

Mummy Guilt Is Expensive!

Look at that cutie. With his new toys – one in each hand, and three more out of sight, his new cardie and his new slippers. It’s not been his birthday or some other celebratory event. No, this photo is a visual description of Mummy guilt.  

I’m at the end of four days off with Monkey. Having constantly beat myself up for being apart from him so often I sincerely want to treasure these moments and make them fun for him.  

And that’s been costing me because everywhere we have gone I have brought him something as a memento of the fun we have had together.  

What am I doing? He is hardly going to remember the trips we have been on, particularly since they included Homebase and Asda!. He is equally never going to remember enough to relate these toys to the trip and the fun that we had together. So, why do I do it? 

It’s not that I see spending money as a sign of love but it is one way I can make the working absence work for the both of us. Yes, I’m off five days a week but that gives me the money to be able to treat him. It’s not really much but it’s something which we will go home with and he will play for and enjoy for weeks to come.  

He might not get the reasons behind it but I do.

Bribery

I’ve come to realise over the last few difficult days that the only tool I have in my parenting armour is bribery.

As I have struggled with a lack of sleep, a hyper cheeky non-sleeping toddler and no hubby for support – I’ve been pulling out the big guns in the bribery stakes. In the last couple of hours alone I’ve said: 

"I’ll take your new toys away."

"I’ll leave you at home."

"You won’t get to see Nana and Grandad."

"I’ll put you to bed."

"You won’t get pudding. "

I literally know no other way of getting Monkey to do something that I want him to do. A stern voice is met with a smirk from him. A request to come here is met with a sprint which would rival Usain Bolt. And don’t even think of asking him to eat his dinner – that will see you having to show lightening reflexes to grab the plate as he tries to slide it off the table.  

Monkey is a good boy and everyone always comments on how cute he is. The problem is that he knows he is cute and he plays on it.  

The moral of this story is that I am lost as to how I am supposed to get a 2 year old to comply without the threat of removing something which he likes. What I am trying to do is make him realise that compliance will benefit him in the end. Is this wrong?

Growing Up So Fast

I really enjoyed watching the BBC’s ‘Child Of Our Time’ but what really struck me was how grown up the 12 year olds featured were. It made me realise that my little Monkey won’t be little for long.  

None of the 12 year olds were wild – they were normal kids with the same restrictions as others. But they are out with friends by themselves, they know who and what they want to be and they have an opinion on pretty much everything. It was clear that their childhood is so very nearly over.  

As anyone with a baby and then a toddler would agree it all goes so quickly (apart from when you are trying to put them to bed. Then it goes reeeaalllyyy slowly.) Watching the show last night made me realise that he’ll be grown up before I know it and I want to cherish every minute with him now.   

Thinking ahead my hopes for him as a 12 year old are that he will be a happy little boy, just as he is now. I hope that he will enjoy school, not necessarily being the most popular kid – just sitting somewhere in the middle and getting a good education. Above all, I hope he still loves his Mummy just as much as he does now.

"No, Mummy do it"

I jumped when I first heard this phrase come from Monkey a couple of months ago. With a sly grin I felt ridiculously happy that I was being specifically requested over Daddy to complete such tasks as changing his nappy and putting him to bed. I’m a good Mummy after all! 

Now, it’s not so fun for me or, more specifically, for my husband. For me - I never get a break. I can’t just sit because Mummy has to be the one to play, to read, to snuggle. With working all week I always try to appreciate every single moment I have with Monkey but in a day which can go from 5.30am – 8pm even a Saint would need a break at times – and I’m no Saint! 

For my husband he is constantly being side-lined and I’ve found myself trying to get Monkey to apologise to his Daddy for always pushing him away. It can start first thing in the morning when my husband goes into Monkey’s room only to be greeted by ‘No Daddy, I want Mummy.’ 

At bedtime we have started to force the issue – in our house whoever doesn’t do bedtime has to make dinner so it’s not really fair if I’m always upstairs for cuddles and stories while hubby puts dinner together.  

Luckily things don’t seem to be so bad when I’m out of the house. Hubby has Wednesdays off work and they have a great day together with very little mention of Mummy. While this is great to hear it does make me feel guilty – if I wasn’t home then we wouldn’t all be having these problems.  

I’m not really sure how to fix this one – I try to make sure that even if Monkey has demanded I’m the one to play with him that his Daddy joins in and then I slip away when I can. Hopefully in time the phrase will be non-existent.  

But I’d be lying if I didn’t confess that I love being his favourite.

I Ripped Off The Plaster!

As I know is the same for so many mums, especially working mums, there is the constant search for balance. For me, it is the struggle for time – time to work and matching that with the time that I get to spend with Monkey.

I currently work five days a week and have found that in PR, the sector I work in, I really can only do five days a week if I want to work at the senior level which I currently do.  

I enjoy working and can’t ever see myself as a stay at home mum. I view stay at home mums with great admiration. They are the ones with endless patience and an abundance of creativity - that’s just not me! I like to escape from being mummy some times but perhaps not quite as often as five days a week.  

I’ve been pondering this dilemma for a while – how to match my career ambitions with my ambitions as a mother. I’ve thought long and hard – made plans, changed plans, scrapped plans and came up with whole new plans.  

Today, I ripped off the plaster and set those plans into action. It’s fresh and new so I can’t share too much but I just wanted to share this momentous moment.  

It’s scary ripping off the plaster. You’re not sure how painful it’s going to be but it’s just a plaster, the pain is momentary and underneath you find fresh skin, a healed wound.  

I’m so excited to share the next few months with you all but for now just know that I did it.