A Fresh Start

Everything is new in my life and so it seems fitting to have a new start on the blog which I have sort of neglected slightly in the past few weeks.

The truth is that I willingly went dark as we neared completion on our very first house purchase. I was so nervous about tweeting or blogging anything in case it all went wrong. So I just shut up and so there is so much to catch up on!

We have it - we have our very first own home.

It's been a fun, exhausting first week here. We got the keys a couple of days before we actually moved in and we literally painted through the night to try and get the rooms done in the way we wanted. As I have previously said, I had seven years of pent-up DIY built up so I have been desperate to put my stamp on the house. We had six rooms we wanted to decorate and we managed to do three - the lounge (which was the mammoth job), Monkey's room and the bathroom - which I think might be my favourite room in the house now that I have added a nautical touch.

We're working on the rest of the rooms in the evenings - the stairs were done last night, it's the kitchen tonight and then we'll do our room - currently a room of boxes as we haven't bothered to get the wardrobe yet. Then there is still the playroom and the guest room to do but I'm afraid they are going to have to wait!

The credit card has taken quite a battering but there is nothing that I have brought which has been a waste or doesn't look brilliant in the house.

It's also been all change on the work side. I have left my full-time job and am now in search of something a little more family friendly. I'm trying not to let the fear get me as part-time jobs in PR are so few and far between I do worry how long I will be unemployed for but I have done the jobs which give me no balance, I need to find the right fit this time.

Monkey is out of nursery and I am suprisingly loving being a stay at home mum. I always thought it was never for me but actually I have quite enjoyed it. I don't think I could do it all the time but I have enjoyed the trips to the park, farms, playgroups and playgrounds and it re-enforces my wish to be around a little bit more.

There's loads more to say about the move and our new life away from London but this will do for now.

x

What next?

Hello!

I'm still here. Apologies for the lack of blogging but I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last week and for me that comes with sitting at staring at the wall (or the telly).

I'm approaching a crossroads in my life. We know we are moving and although we STILL haven't exchanged on the house it looks like we are on to move in a couple of weeks time. Yeah! So, we know where we are going to be living - that bit is sorted.

What is not sorted is me. What do I do now? I work in PR but as I've blogged about before I am not sure it is my dream job. I trained as a broadcast journalist - that was the childhood dream and I lived it out for almost two years working as a radio newsreader. It was a short love affair with broadcasting which ended in redundancy and then an enforced switch to a better paying job which actually had some job vacancies.

It's meant that PR never really felt like my choice, more something born out of necessity and availability.

Now, I want to find out what I want to do but in today's society with money tighter than ever we are not really afforded a lot of time to try to work out what it is that we want to do.

Oh, to be able to work for free trying out a few roles, to re-train by undertaking some expensive new qualification or to start up on my own and know that's it is OK if there is a slow start.

It's a constant thought in my head - what next for me? I'm still not sure.

Trying to Remember

Monkey is changing so much and although we enjoy every moment we have with him - it's hard to remember it all.

My husband and I were talking the other night and we realised there is so much of the little stuff which we can't remember - like how he used to say certain words before he got them properly.

So I'm going to list a few of things he is doing at the moment which particularly make me smile.

- When he sings Incy Wincey Spider he actually sings 'Wincey in the Spider'.

Stress!!!

I know that everyone under the sun told me that buying a house was one of the most stressful things you can do - and I let that piece of wisdom go in one ear and out the other.

Lesson learnt now though and I have had one of the most stressful weeks of my life...and nothing has been resolved so it all rolls over into next week.

In a little blogging therapy, allow me to detail all the weights on my shoulders at present:

Does The Dream Job Exist?

Is it a myth of TV shows and Hollywood movies that you can find a job which makes you jump out of bed in the morning and thoroughly enjoy the 9-5?

I’ve had four jobs in my professional working life and, if I'm honest, I have not yet found one that I really love.

A Blogging Blank

My blog and I are going through a rough patch. And as we have only been together for a little under two months I’m a bit worried that it’s too early for problems to be creeping in.

But it’s confessional time and the problem is that the blog is always there! I liked the company at first but over the past few days it’s felt a bit like an annoying child clinging at my ankles (and I already have one of them!)

I don’t really have time to give to the blog as much as I would like but that’s just a question of dedication and if I want this relationship with my blog to work then I’ll just have to make the time.

No, the problem is that I don’t know what the blog wants from me! What does it want me to write about when my day consisted of an uneventful hour with Monkey, eight hours at work and then an equally uneventful hour before bed.

Life’s just been a little bit normal over the past few days - we’ve had easy bedtimes, the tantrums haven’t been so bad and the house move is all on course and just ticking along nicely.

I have nothing to say.

The only thing I could tell you about this week is that I have drunk a lot, eaten a lot of chocolate and researched garden gates for about four hours in total.

And let’s face it no-one wants to hear about that!

An Easy Easter

Is there anything better than milkshake?

Well, that was great wasn't it? We've just had the loveliest Easter break together and for once I have returned refreshed and rejuvenated.

Living so far away from our families means that Monkey doesn't get to see his grandparents (on both sides) very often and so he more than makes it up for it when he does. From Friday to Sunday during our time at the inlaws Mummy and Daddy were invisible. Cuddles and kisses were reserved for Nanny and Grandad (mostly just Nanny) and squeals of joy let out only at the arrival of his 1 year old cousin each day.

For me, this was a massive change. It's normally all Mummy, Mummy, Mummy with me not being allowed to even go to the toilet without listening to the ongoing meltdown over my momentary departure.

I didn't feel left out though and instead I just revelled in his joy at being with his extended family and enjoyed the sit-down when I got it.

It also made a massive change on Monday when it was just me and Monkey with a whole bank holiday stretched in front of us. I didn't stress, I didn't shout, in fact I barely sat down such was the reserve of energy I had.

And today I went back to work, grateful for the break I had had. But also the return to work today marked the start of The Countdown. We're on course to move house in May and moving house means that whole life change we have all been after. New house, new job and a new and fresh perspective.

I can't bloomin' wait!

Is It Wrong To Stick With One?

When I had Monkey the plan was always that we would wait until he was school-age before we had another child. I have poly-cystic ovaries and so had Monkey young, when I was 26, so that if the condition were to get worse in the next few years I could always look back knowing I had been pregnant and we had at least one child. 

My condition doesn’t seem to be getting a lot worse so I’m as confident as I can be that I’ll be able to have another child. Problem is…I’m not sure I want to.  

I’ve watched the majority of my friends have second children but the broodiness just hasn’t kicked in. Newborns are adorable but I still feel like I’ve been there, done that, not really sure I need to do it again. Plus, it wasn’t easy – why would I want to go through morning sickness, birth, sleepness nights (to name a few) again? 

However, I wonder whether that is just a really selfish attitude? If I am able to do so do I have an obligation to give my son a sibling? Is it wrong to raise him as an only-child if I don’t have to?  

He goes to nursery so has a lot of interaction with other children but will it benefit him to have someone at home, someone with him wherever we go? Will his development be hindered by not having a sibling – will he be a spoilt brat? 

I’m leaving this post pretty open-ended. There is no conclusion, no decision has been made. We’ll see what happens. Perhaps it’ll be like a new season, one morning I’ll just wake up and be broody? I’ll let you know.

Monkey's Mummy loves...

This is the first in what will become a weekly post where I tell you all the things I've loved this week. This sort of post really sums up for me what I love about blogging. It’s an opportunity to share and learn from one another. We can’t each know about all the latest products or places to go but together, well we can be unstoppable!

I’m posting this as a linky from Modern Mummy which I am super-chuffed about because I bloomin’ love Katy’s blog and I continually hope to emulate the success she has had.

So here we go, the things I have liked this week.

All Change

On Saturday we began house-hunting for the very first time as potential buyers. What a difference from looking as renters! The estate agents seemingly couldn’t do enough to help us and there wasn’t a queue of other people outside – we had their attention!

I’d done my research of the area, the schools and the toddler groups for Monkey but I was realistic that our search had only just begun. We were due to view six houses that day and from the photos number 4 was the most interesting. 

The houses were saw in the morning were nice but I thought it would be like wedding dress shopping – I’d just know when I had found the one. And then we went into house number 4. 

Prior to beginning our house search I had briefed my hubby on the importance of the poker face when house hunting. When we left house number 4 his first words to me were ‘you weren’t exactly subtle.’

Yes, like a teenage with a massive crush I fell head over heels in love with this house – mainly because it has massive cupboards in the kitchen. You know, the important stuff! I gushed, I swooned and I made it bloomin’ obvious that this needed to be my new house. 

Two hours after a 45 minute viewing of the house (it was obvious we were keen) we were rang by the agent to be told that someone else had put in an offer. Well, what’s a girl (and two boys) to do – on the very first day of house-hunting we put in an offer…which was accepted 10 minutes later!

We are so excited to have our first ever real home but obviously cautious until everything has been confirmed. 

It’s all change in the Monkey’s Mummy household and we couldn’t be more thrilled!

'The Plaster' Explained

A couple of weeks ago I wrote the blog post ‘I Ripped OffThe Plaster’ and today I want to explain what all that was about.  

In what some might deem to be a moment of ridiculous abandonment I quit my job. After months of unhappiness I just bit the bullet and decided that instead of just moaning that I wanted to get a better work life balance I was actually going to do something about it.  

So, I announced my intentions to leave my very well paid senior job and set up on my own as a freelancer who doesn’t work Fridays. Eek, I must be mad! 

I’m incredibly nervous about doing this, placing my family’s financial future in my own skills and expertise (which I’m not sure exist!) but I have to do what is best for me and my family. I truly believe what is best is for me to be happier and for me to be happier I need to be home a little bit more and I need to have more control over my life and the things I do in it.  

Whilst we’re at it we’ve also decided to leave London and we are actually going to buy our own home! I’m ridiculously excited about this and have thrown myself head-first into mass organisation and house searching in Bedfordshire.  

The only downside will be leaving London. When I had Monkey I was one of the lucky ones and I found the best NCT group ever. For the first time in my life I have made and kept really great friends. Thinking about leaving them makes me not want to go but as our wine nights are now few and far between I thinking I can afford the train fare back. 

So, that’s it. I suppose blogging about it is another plaster off really. Anyone I hadn’t yet told can now read about it and now that you all know I suppose I can’t really back out now…

Bloggers Unite

I had a blog post ready for tonight but have shelved it. Instead I want to just say how incredible I think this blogging community is that I have stumbled into.  

Tonight on Twitter the stars are shining. The above picture is being used as an avatar by practically hundreds of bloggers to show support for one of their own.  

Tomorrow Jennie from Edspire will lay to rest her 9 month old daughter Matilda Mae who died a few weeks ago. I don’t know Jennie but her story moves me to tears and makes me hold Monkey that bit closer every time I remember the unbelievable pain that Jennie must be going through.  

From the comments I have seen a lot of people do not know Jennie personally. But on Twitter and across the blogosphere they stand shoulder to shoulder with her propping her up whenever she needs it.   

I’ve only been blogging for a few weeks now but I’m so proud to be a part of this community. The kindness of strangers has never been more evident.

Bribery

I’ve come to realise over the last few difficult days that the only tool I have in my parenting armour is bribery.

As I have struggled with a lack of sleep, a hyper cheeky non-sleeping toddler and no hubby for support – I’ve been pulling out the big guns in the bribery stakes. In the last couple of hours alone I’ve said: 

"I’ll take your new toys away."

"I’ll leave you at home."

"You won’t get to see Nana and Grandad."

"I’ll put you to bed."

"You won’t get pudding. "

I literally know no other way of getting Monkey to do something that I want him to do. A stern voice is met with a smirk from him. A request to come here is met with a sprint which would rival Usain Bolt. And don’t even think of asking him to eat his dinner – that will see you having to show lightening reflexes to grab the plate as he tries to slide it off the table.  

Monkey is a good boy and everyone always comments on how cute he is. The problem is that he knows he is cute and he plays on it.  

The moral of this story is that I am lost as to how I am supposed to get a 2 year old to comply without the threat of removing something which he likes. What I am trying to do is make him realise that compliance will benefit him in the end. Is this wrong?

Growing Up So Fast

I really enjoyed watching the BBC’s ‘Child Of Our Time’ but what really struck me was how grown up the 12 year olds featured were. It made me realise that my little Monkey won’t be little for long.  

None of the 12 year olds were wild – they were normal kids with the same restrictions as others. But they are out with friends by themselves, they know who and what they want to be and they have an opinion on pretty much everything. It was clear that their childhood is so very nearly over.  

As anyone with a baby and then a toddler would agree it all goes so quickly (apart from when you are trying to put them to bed. Then it goes reeeaalllyyy slowly.) Watching the show last night made me realise that he’ll be grown up before I know it and I want to cherish every minute with him now.   

Thinking ahead my hopes for him as a 12 year old are that he will be a happy little boy, just as he is now. I hope that he will enjoy school, not necessarily being the most popular kid – just sitting somewhere in the middle and getting a good education. Above all, I hope he still loves his Mummy just as much as he does now.

(Play) Dating

I got set up on a date last night.  

Having been married 5 years alas it wasn’t with some gorgeous hunk who was going to whisk me away to my long-awaited desert island.  

No, it was with a fellow Mum at nursery. Her son is best friends with my son and that, in the apparent rules of parenting, means that I need to be friends with her too.  

But it was just so awkward! The conversation began immediately with arrangements to meet up. I hadn’t done this before but aren’t we supposed to break the ice first, get to know each other? In the world of parenting is first base skipped and we just go immediately to walks in the park and ice creams by the river? Then how does the arrangement get confirmed? Do we exchange numbers? Do I hand over my business card? What’s the decorum!!! 

Now, I’m not sure if it is just down to my own social-awkwardness that this didn’t feel right. I’m a little bit of an introvert and not really one for chatting to strangers. But clearly I need to practise this next phase of mummy-hood – I hear it gets worse when they get to school. 

So please, help a socially awkward mum understand the rules. How does it all work?

A Perfect Day

Nothing special happened today – I’m still to win the lottery and be whisked away to a desert island – but today was the perfect day.  

After a week of stress and a weekend of illness today everything was just easy.  

• Getting Monkey dressed for nursery – EASY, no tantrums and no complaints
• Dropping Monkey off at nursery – EASY, got his coat off and he ran straight in with no fuss
• Driving to the station – EASY, some traffic but not enough to slow me down and I found a parking space straight away
• Heading home this evening – EASY, arrived at nursery 20 minutes earlier than usual to be told that Monkey had a great day
• Put-down tonight – EASY, no crying, no insisting Mummy held his hand as he fell asleep.

It was all just easy.  

It’s so surprising especially for a Monday that I felt I needed to share.

So, let’s celebrate what went well today – let me know what was easy for you today…

Now and Then

 

It’s 5 years ago today since the hubby and I got hitched. (That's our wedding cake in the picture.) We married young, aged just 23, and it was a wonderful day. Budget meant that we went for a small wedding but not being natural extroverts this suited us both well.

 

We only had about 20 people for the ceremony and wedding breakfast and then another 30 or so for the disco in the evening.

 

It had its intimate moments and its raucous moments just as a wedding should. It was also a pretty booze-fuelled affair with a very quiet breakfast with all our guests the next day.

 

Now, 5 years have passed and so much has changed. Back then our life consisted of working - both as journalists, evenings in the pub and fabulous holidays to Mexico, Paris and road-tripping around California. Now life consists of working - one journalist and one in PR, necking a bottle of wine while watching TV and dreaming of one day going on holiday.

 

Of course, I have spent today thinking about the last 5 years and although it might sound cheesy I do think it is Monkey who symbolises all that has happened in the past 5 years. He wasn’t there at the wedding and we certainly weren’t planning on him being there anytime soon. But then I was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries and told that I might want to think about having children in case the condition got worse and prevented me from doing so. We held off for a while and then had to spend over a year trying to get him here. I was pregnant for 9 months and 3 days (a long 3 days) and now he is 2 years old. Every step of our relationship with him from when he didn’t even exist is a step that we have taken in our marriage.

 

He’s tested our marriage – I don’t understand how children can’t do that. Babies shift your life so completely. But I also think in time we will come to realise that he has made our marriage. He has given us both roles, aside from husband and wife, which now bind us for life.

Things that go bump in the night

Butter wouldn't melt before bedtime

Everything just looks worse at night doesn’t it? There’s something about the quiet, the artificial lighting and the extreme tiredness that just makes everything seem worse. My husband and I are not a good partnership at night. If Monkey wakes up, which he does quite often, it seems something always happens that leads us to having a 0-60 row.  

These are the rows where you don’t start off with snippy comments and whispered crossed words. These are the rows where you are instantly on your feet with accusations and hurtful words flying. However, we’re starting to understand the way this works. We’ve got better at apologising in the morning and we’re learning to appreciate and allow for each other’ tiredness. Perhaps we’ve also accepted that it’ll happen again next time so there’s no point holding a grudge! 

Unfortunately we haven’t been blessed with a sleepy child. Monkey, now aged 2, didn’t sleep through the night until he was about 15 months old. That is a looong time. Never one to do things by half, my son didn’t just wake up once or twice a night. No, he went for a good 20+ times every single night.  

I look back now and wonder how I coped with it all. I mean, that is a pretty ridiculous way to live for almost a year and a half, and yet we made it through. I remember nights when I would hang over the edge of his cot, patting him back to sleep, and just think ‘I absolutely cannot do this anymore. I’m done’. Then I’d get him to sleep and the next wake-up would be at 6am. The sun would have come out and suddenly it all wouldn’t feel quite so bad. It was like this every night.  

When he started to sleep through the night I didn’t allow myself to believe it for a long time. He’d sleep through one night and I’d be delighted as we woke at a reasonable hour. But then the next night I’d go to bed hoping to get an hour’s sleep before the first wake up, never believing he might do it again.  
 

After 15 months of multiple wake-ups it took me a good six weeks to start to go to bed safe in the knowledge that I too might get my recommended eight hours.  
 

The legacy of Monkey’s terrible sleeping though is that I am always grateful when he sleeps through the night. And I have some well-set bags under my eyes that won’t shift.